this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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