i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
