Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
