He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
