Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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