found the other keg... it's in the tree
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
