my sisters under your porch take her home
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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