He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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