I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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