Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My vagina is very pro this idea
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
