dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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