well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
