there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
