it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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