I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
