He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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