Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
