Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
