Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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