just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
