he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
