it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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