At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
