We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
