We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
