Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
