Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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