I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
