I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
