There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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