Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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