There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
