me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
