last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
