Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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