how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
