I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
