Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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