Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
