My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
