Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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