So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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