i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
