Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
