Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
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