i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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