Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n