when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
