Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
