can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Randomize
