just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
