I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
