I want to make a zoo with you.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
