she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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