Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
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He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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