I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
