Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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