Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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