literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
