so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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