my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
