Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
