I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
