thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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