I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
