Are we in a gay sports bar?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
