My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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