why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
