I wanna bring you to show and tell
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
