haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
