Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Come see our sink grown plant.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
