Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
