I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
