someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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