Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
