let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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